These Advice given by My Dad Which Rescued Me when I became a New Father

"I believe I was just trying to survive for twelve months."

One-time reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey thought he would to cope with the challenges of fatherhood.

However the truth rapidly proved to be "very different" to his expectations.

Serious health issues during the birth caused his partner Louise hospitalised. All of a sudden he was pushed into acting as her chief support while also taking care of their newborn son Leo.

"I took on each nighttime feed, every change… every stroll. The duty of both mum and dad," Ryan explained.

Following nearly a year he became exhausted. It was a conversation with his father, on a park bench, that led him to understand he couldn't do it alone.

The simple words "You're not in a healthy space. You require some help. How can I help you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, ask for help and regain his footing.

His experience is far from unique, but infrequently talked about. Although people is now more accustomed to talking about the strain on mothers and about PND, not enough is spoken about the challenges new fathers encounter.

Asking for help is not weak to seek assistance

Ryan feels his challenges are linked to a wider inability to talk amongst men, who still absorb damaging notions of manhood.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and doesn't fall with each wave."

"It is not a sign of being weak to request help. I failed to do that soon enough," he explains.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist focusing on mental health surrounding childbirth, explains men can be reluctant to admit they're struggling.

They can believe they are "not the right person to be requesting help" - especially in front of a mother and child - but she highlights their mental state is equally important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad gave him the opportunity to take a break - spending a couple of days away, separate from the home environment, to get a fresh outlook.

He understood he required a shift to consider his and his partner's emotions as well as the day-to-day duties of taking care of a infant.

When he was honest with Louise, he saw he'd failed to notice "what she needed" -reassuring touch and listening to her.

Self-parenting

That insight has changed how Ryan perceives parenthood.

He's now composing Leo letters each week about his feelings as a dad, which he hopes his son will see as he grows up.

Ryan thinks these will enable his son to more fully comprehend the vocabulary of emotion and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "self-parenting" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen lacked reliable male guidance. Even with having an "wonderful" connection with his dad, long-standing trauma resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "in and out" of his life, complicating their relationship.

Stephen says repressing emotions resulted in him make "poor decisions" when in his youth to alter how he felt, turning in drink and drugs as escapism from the hurt.

"You turn to substances that aren't helpful," he notes. "They may short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will ultimately exacerbate the problem."

Tips for Coping as a New Father

• Talk to someone - if you feel under pressure, tell a trusted person, your other half or a professional about your state of mind. Doing so may to lighten the load and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - continue with the pursuits that helped you to feel like the person you were before having a baby. This might be playing sport, socialising or a favourite hobby.
• Don't ignore the physical stuff - a good diet, physical activity and if you can, sleep, all play a role in how your mental state is doing.
• Connect with other parents in the same boat - sharing their journeys, the challenges, as well as the positive moments, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Know that requesting help is not failure - prioritising your own well-being is the best way you can look after your family.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen expectedly found it hard to accept the loss, having been out of touch with him for years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's resolved not to "continue the chain" with his boy and instead provide the safety and nurturing he missed out on.

When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they try "releasing the emotion" together - processing the emotions constructively.

The two men Ryan and Stephen state they have become better, healthier men since they faced their pain, transformed how they talk, and figured out how to manage themselves for their children.

"I have improved at… sitting with things and handling things," states Stephen.

"I put that down in a message to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I expressed, sometimes I feel like my job is to guide and direct you what to do, but in reality, it's a two-way conversation. I am discovering as much as you are in this journey."