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Being a homosexual male approaching 50, I’ve spent numerous, largely enjoyable years engaging in casual sex with other men since the age of 19. During my fourth decade, I had a committed partnership that lasted a significant period, but I never felt completely content, because I felt neither loved nor sexually nourished. Truthfully, my constant desire has been for uncommitted intimacy. Whenever I begin to date a potential partner, once the newness dwindles, an impulse arises to have sex with new partners once more.

Questioning the Feasibility of Monogamy

I am now wondering if I’ll ever be able to sustain a monogamous relationship. I'm aware that many homosexual males have open relationships, but from my observations, they have seemed like hard work, often causing lots of heartache and envy for everyone involved. To a large extent, I desire a partner to care for me while allowing me to remain sexually free, however I dread to imagine the emotional drain this might create. Is it best to keep having spontaneous encounters and acknowledge that a lasting partnership is not possible? I feel somewhat confused.

Every person’s intimate path varies. Try not to think about what you require in partnerships or your capacity to tolerate various forms of intimate connections as fixed. Your needs in your current state may well change in the future; eventually you might become more decisive and find greater understanding and a comfortable path … or perhaps not. One day you could encounter someone offering a life-changing chance for you through mirroring what you want in a holistic fashion … and at another point you might decide that non-committal encounters are best for you. Fretting over the future and playing endless speculation is simply rooted in fear and a waste of your efforts. Aim to stay present with your partners, and recognize the value of every individual you connect with intimately an intimate bond. If and when you are ever ready to strengthen true intimacy with one partner, you will know.

• The psychotherapist is a US-based therapy professional who specialises in treating intimacy issues.