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When the story surfaced that Rob and Michele Singer Reiner had been killed and their son, Nick Reiner, was a person of interest, it brought addiction back into the public spotlight. However, families grappling with a child’s substance use fear the dialogue will center on an extremely uncommon act of violence rather than the far more common risks of the disease.

A Familiar Pain

Ron Grover and his wife, Darlene, have been watching the news. They only knew the Reiners professionally, yet they feel a connection: their own son also developed a dependency at 15 to opioids and later illicit drugs, much like Nick Reiner, and spent years in and out of rehabilitation and the legal system. After a long and painful struggle, their son achieved sobriety in July 2010.

“It’s just tragic,” says Grover. “It rips your heart out, because that’s a family torn apart, just like so many other families we know whose sons or daughters didn’t survive the disease of addiction.”

The Scope of the Crisis

More than a significant majority of Americans report their lives have been touched by addiction—whether through their own use, a relative’s dependency, housing instability from addiction, or an overdose leading to hospitalization or death, according to recent data.

Approximately one in six Americans, or 48.4 million people, had a drug or alcohol addiction in 2024.

“This can happen to anyone, no matter how rich you are, no matter how poor you are, no matter how powerful you are,” emphasized Grover.

The Weight of Judgment

The Reiner story resonated deeply with Greg, who leads a family support group. “We talk a lot about how it’s a family disease,” Greg said. “It has a profound effect on others’ lives.”

However, he is concerned that the murders will make people “deeply suspicious of anybody who’s struggles with having an addiction, and think that they could become violent at any point in time. And that’s not true,” Greg added.

These “are really important conversations to have, since addiction is so widespread in the United States and the rates have continually increased,” stated an associate professor who studies addiction and criminal justice. She pointed to the significant stigma surrounding addiction and mental health in the U.S., including the “idea of someone being really a threat and the potential for harming others.”

She also advised against jumping to conclusions about the alleged role of the son or his state at the time, noting it is not known whether drugs or psychological distress were recent factors.

“I’m afraid that people are going to take their biased views of addiction and this condition, and fill in the gaps to try to explain what happened,” she said. “Because of his history, the first thing that everyone is talking about is his struggle.”

Separating Myth from Fact

While addiction can lead to unpredictable behavior, and some substances may increase aggression, a brutal act like a double homicide is exceptionally rare.

“The huge majority of people with addiction or this illness do not ever show anything even approaching to violent behavior. It’s a real rarity,” the expert explained. “The actual reality is a person is far more probable to harm themselves than anyone else.”

A Parent’s Fear

Both Greg and Grover have lived with fear—not directed at their sons, but for them.

“I’m afraid he’s going to die at some point,” Greg said. “If he returns to using, it’s eventually going to claim his life. That’s my biggest fear. And my other fear is just being estranged from him.” He described the agonizing decisions parents face, such as setting limits and sometimes making the “horribly painful” choice that an adult child cannot reside in the family home.

“Our fear then was, every single night you laid your head down, that you could get that call or that knock on the door telling you that he was gone forever,” said Grover. Those fears are present “every single day, every day of the year, for a parent.”

He recounted the harrowing calls: from the hospital saying a son was not breathing; from prison, where a parent might rationalize behavior by thinking, “ ‘Well, at least he committed theft to support his habit; at least he wasn’t burglarizing the neighbors’ houses.’”

The Loneliness of the Struggle

Parents often battle loneliness—wondering if the addiction was caused by some parental failure; bearing guilt for a child’s actions; and worrying about the stigma directed at both parent and child.

It is extremely challenging to understand a family’s ordeal without experiencing it personally, Greg noted. “With addiction, it can change on the spot. You could be perfectly happy one day and in despair the next... It’s not unusual for that to happen.”

Hope and Recovery

Data indicates about 75% of people with addiction are able to become sober.

“Just as you can get over any other type of disease, you can overcome this disease, too. You can heal and be productive,” said Grover. “If you work at it and you stumble, you get up and work at it some more.”

Today, his son is a husband and a father, holds a college degree, and works as a union electrician. Grover reflected on his struggle to “save” his son, realizing it wasn’t possible.

“I can drag him into recovery if I want to, but if he doesn’t reach for my hand for help, it’s not going to succeed,” he said.

Yet, they always told him they loved him and had faith in him.

“I tell any parent or anybody else that’s dealing with someone struggling with drugs: make sure your hand is always, always extended, because you never know when they’ll reach out and take it.”